Being stuck at ‘6s and 7s’

Mostly I’m an up person.

I am silly optimistic and I usually do not get mired in the muck of pessimism or feeling down.

But there are days I feel overwhelmed, heavy, not my usual light self.

I’m working diligently at finding some peace with this unwelcome sense of dourness, while my inner critic works in opposition to these efforts, using this turn of emotions to ebb away at my general sense of joy.

Blurg.

How does one pull herself out of such a nosedive?

I’m better at it than I used to be at it. I used to think the best method was to check off my list of to dos, to rapidly and selflessly vanquish the needs of the others around me, to clean the house, to do the laundry, to dress to the nines. Then I’d end up: completely burned out, exhausted, resentful, and feeling like a bit of a phony.

So I quit that. Now I know all that busy-ness can’t come close to correcting my course, from stopping me rattling in this human cage, shaking the bars and also, resenting the ride.

In these moments of struggle, I feel as if I’m waging a bit of a war with myself.

And the war is exhausting.

As one of my heroes, author Paulo Coelho writes, “You have to accept your contradictions and you have to learn how to live with your contradictions, otherwise you become a block of stone that never changes.”

I will not become a block of stone. A block of stone is not for me.

One helpful thing I’ve found is to give up the idea that there is a reason or a cause for this malaise. That’s a trick of the ego, the idea that I could trace back the origin of this emotional slide. This is a trick because it quickly devolves into a game of shame, blame and guilt as I lob grenades of accusation at me, at people whom I love, at my lack of ability to achieve some state of calm.

If there’s something to delve into, I’d rather do it once I’ve regained my equilibrium and am at emotional even-keel.

Sometimes there’s just no real reason for feeling down. No origin to find. No event to rehash. My mom used to call this “being at 6s and 7s,” no definition needed or given.

Bright-siding this, 6s and 7s is likely a sign of life.

Sixes and 7s are the result of being an aware and awake person who is very in touch with her emotions.

The shadow of being very aware of your emotions is that you are very aware of your emotions.

That made me old-fashioned laugh out loud, so I guess the 6s and 7s routine is turning up.